Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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