it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Text me some of your sweat
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
