She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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