He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We got so high we made milksteak
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
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he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
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when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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