so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
