this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
