if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
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there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
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I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize