We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
