My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
