IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
