He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
