Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
