Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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