oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
