Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
