Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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