Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
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after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
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How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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