If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
