Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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