this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
