Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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