You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
