I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
