Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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