Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
