You smell like stripper and shame
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
