okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
