Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
