life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
