It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
