I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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