Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
