if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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