your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
