I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
