my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize