I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
