I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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