she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
