I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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