Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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