I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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