Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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