Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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