i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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