He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
