ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
