I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
