why didn't you poke me back
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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