you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
