I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
