you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
