What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
