Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
