the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
