I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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