Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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