Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
