Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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