that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
