We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize