i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
