thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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