he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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