The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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