I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
