I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
