Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
