Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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