Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
