Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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