if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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