Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
