Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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