Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
