Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
