i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
